INGHINYERO.COM

For the past few days, I thought I could manage things out. I thought that everything will pan out the way I wanted. I thought I’d be able to recover smoothly. I thought I’d be able to forget the feeling.

I tried not to make a big fuss about anything related to us. I tried not to think of it as something I’d expect something of. I really made an effort to make it normal for us. I just wish I could let it just fade away and live life like she never existed.

But unlike this simple essay, I can’t backspace and change things. I cannot erase the fact that I have fallen in love with her. I also cannot erase that I’m getting drowned to the feeling. I also cannot just undo everything. I really don’t get it. How difficult is it to unnotice someone who doesn’t really care.

I really am blind. I really didn’t see the repercussions of what kind of situation I have put myself into. I really didn’t took everything into consideration before doing it. And now that everything’s a mess – my identity, my confidence, my mind. I just don’t know anyone who can help me get through this. All I know is that I self-destructed and I can’t put myself back to what I used to be.

I feel rotten. Though I know how to pretend, there are certain things that I can’t hide. Certain things which I am still not sure of.

I used to be really good at this. I’m actually really good at advising people. I just don’t know how I lost myself.

It’s quite tiring if you keep on looking for something; and you just can’t find anything. Worse is, you’re alone and unhappy.

Now, I’m very afraid of what kind of person I’m ending up. Day by day, I hate myself. I just wish I know how to give up.
[ad#adsense-post]

Popularity: 1% [?]

I’m pretty much intact. But yea, three exams in a week. THREE HARDCORE ones. You can really lose your sanity. I could’ve been close to having my insanity taken by the continuous trauma I’ve been getting after each exam I took this past week.
(more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

It’s officially three days ’til 2009.

Here’s a survey I found on Friendster. Its quite nice how I remembered things which happened this year while answering the questions. So, yea.

Here it is.

–
Stayed single almost the whole year?
- been single since birth, trying not to be single the past couple of years. haha.
Done something you’ve regretted?
- yeah. exactly. like a week ago.
Lost someone?
- a friend? wag aman sana.
Cut class?
- yeah.
Were involved in something you’ll never forget?
- andame na. lalo na reventLy..
Visited a different country?
- nah.
Lost something important to you?
- yeaaaah.
Got a gift you adore?
- yesh. a bag from my sister..
Dyed your hair?
- nah, i think i’ll never do that.
Read a great book?
- ahm yes, para kay b by ricky Lee.

2008: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year?
– super. PISME. Gotta love ‘em.
Did you dislike anyone?
- medy0..
Did you grow apart from anyone?
- di aman sigur0…
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
- uhm, oo.?

2008: Your BIRTHDAY!
Did you have a cake?
- hiyeah.

2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year?
- andami. naging conscious bigLa about a Lotta things.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
- hmm, nah.
Did you go on any vacations?
- wala. haha.
Would you change anything about yourself now?
- yeah.

2008:Wrap UP:
Was 2008 a good year?
- yea. i think so. it just didnt end that well.
Do you think 2009 will top 2008?
- yes. kasi maraming bagay na mangyayari pa at mas kaabang-abang!

I confess that in 2008 I…
- stayed single for almost the whole year
- had your heart broken
- went over the minutes on your cell phone
- done something you’ve regretted
- wrote a poem
- cut in a line of waiting people
- told someone you were busy when you weren’t
- cooked a disastrous meal [huhu]
- prank called someone

In 2008 I…
- broke a promise
- fell out of love [more of, naka move on na]
- lied
- disappointed someone close [parati naman eh]
- hid a secret [that was never hidden taLaga hahaha]
- pretended to be happy [ngay0n at saka nung.. haha]
- met someone who changed your life [drastically! haha. as in. that one turned my world upside down]
- met one of your idols[kid haha!]
- changed your outlook on life
- sat home all day doing nothing
- almost died [diba Louren? haha. aLam mo to eh]
- given up on something/someone important to you [si an0. kasi may an0 na sya. at saka si an0 kasi may an0 na din sya?]
- learned something new about yourself
- made a change in your life
- found out who your true friends were
-met great people
- stayed up til sunrise [haha! with pisme pips!]
- cried over the silliest thing [oo ata, haha!]
-had friends who were drifting away from you [tagos sa buto, ]

Popularity: unranked [?]

Popularity: unranked [?]

One friend wrote me a letter. An orgmate. I’d try to tell you what it’s all about. Its something like this.

Dear Rommel,

Recently, I’m trying to convice that I don’t like this person much. But still, I end up trying. Maybe, I just can’t resist a day not seeing her. This Engineering Week can’t get any worse. She’s a born dancer. That’s why she’ll be one of our organization’s representative for Indakan ’08, which by the way, will be held tomorrow at the UP Film Institute. Please support Team PiSME.

I always attend their practice. At times, I’ll make excuses. Lousy ones. Just to be able to see her. Just to be able to be with her.

HA. I’m so sick of the feeling. I don’t even know if I stand a chance. She’s with someone.I don’t know if its really serious. When I asked her, her reactions were very unclear. Its as if she doesn’t care about her boyfriend. Its as if she didn’t miss her.

Everytime, each time I see her stealing a glance at me, I feel the chills. I caught her doing that not only a couple of times. I don’t know if I’m just assuming but she’s just so special and I can’t help it.

She always asks whenever she leaves, if I’m gonna come with her or them, or not. At times when I don’t mind her, she’s gonna ask me something. She’s very thoughtful; she asks me about how my examination turned out and the like.

I don’t wanna give meanings to whatever she’s doing since I don’t wanna break my heart. I don’t wanna lose what a great friendship we have.

And this Engineering Week is killing me; these past few days, I see her pretty often. Well, we’re classmates in most of the subjects. We frequently have study groups too. We always eat our lunch together, with our orgmates. HA. I wish I could confirm if she’s interested too.

And if she’s interested too, what shall I do? I’m so confused. And this is not only how complicated it can get. There are a lot of things that I can’t say to you. A lot of things I can’t say to her too.

I couldn’t wait for the Holiday Break to come. I seriously need one week away from her.

Lovelots,
Dumb Ass

—
He’s probably confused. I hope I could help him.

Another note, its quite weird that these past few days,I’ve been reading my Friendster horoscope and it seems so timely or rather, incidental that they do apply about the current happenings in my life.

And for today:
“Look at a stressful situation again — is it really that bad? Chances are it’s not.”

Maybe I’m just trying to overanalyze things.

As of now, I’m too much pre-occupied with the Engineering Week. And my first strike of hell week’s just finished with six straight exams! Whew. I know right!? HELL.

I guess I have to enjoy my last three academic days of the year and spend the last week of the year resting. Then, I’d have to embrace the year 2009 with a big bang, and hope that it’d be a better year for me.

And finally, my friend and I can figure out the answers to our questions and the solutions to our problems.

Ciao.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Popularity: 1% [?]

This is kind of a post-turned-meme. Basically, Daniel Jr got this from Jod and then, I liked the idea so I’m posting this on both my Multiply blog and main blog located at Inghinyero.

To the Blogger:
1. Write 15 statements for fifteen different people.
2. Post this with no names of whom you dedicated your fifteen statements too.
3. If someone asks them if it is them who you’re referring to, don’t answer them.

So here are my fifteen anonymous “short dedications”…

1. Hey there. Yes, you. The one with the guitar. Ambait mo. Sobrang I appreciate it when you “try” to listen sa mga “problems” ko which I always confide to you. Hindi mo ba napapansin na palagi kong sinasabi sa iyo mga problema ko, its because I know that you’re matured enough to handle the situations and I know that you won’t forsake me sa mga alam-mo-na, katangahan ko lalo na sa lovelife.

2. Alam mo nami-miss ko ‘yung closeness natin. Lately kasi, maangas ka na at ‘di maabot. Dati, buddy-buddies pa naman tayo at magkaklase. Ngayon, medyo naiirita ako kasi parang ibang-iba ka na.

3. Alam ko namang ‘di ako ang pinangarap mong makasama nang isang semestre pero mabait naman ako. Masyado ka lang mapili at maselan. Sana naman ngayon, maging magkaibigan na tayo ng lubusan.

4. Hey. Alam mo na-aappreciate ko kung pa’no mo ako ipagtanggol kay ano. Kasi naman gags talaga ‘yun. Iba kasi kapag dati ‘di naman talaga tayo ganun ka-close. Imagine 4 years na away-bati tayo. Tapos ngayon, parang na-develop bigla friendship natin. Thanks dahil na-appreciate mo at na-understand mo ako.

5. Alam mo ‘nung nakilala kita dun sa laro, hindi kita nagustuhan masyado pero you’re more than that pala. Mabait at ate-atehan. Thanks for making me feel good kapag may love problems at pagbibigay sa’kin ng kung anu-ano para matulungan ako. You’re my online big sister, even if di mo alam

6. Pare, salamat sa pagtitiwala. Alam mo na ‘yun. At ‘di ako ganun.

7. Nako, antaray mo naman. Akala ko pa naman dahil nga ngayong magkakilala tayo ay magiging “in good terms” tayo pero mukhang ayaw mo akong kaibigan.

8. Mahal kita, hanggang ngayon. Taenangshit, 6 years na. Tapos, si ano pa, nasa ano. Hindi ako nagpapakaplastik sa kanya pero tinatanggap ko na lang na mahal mo sya at ako ay wala lang sa’yo.

9. Mag-usap na tayo. Na-mimiss na kasi kita at ‘yung texts mo. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko para lang maitama ang nasabi ko sa’yo. Again, sorry na. I don’t want not to talk to the person I once …

10. Alam mo, hindi lang ikaw ang na-mimiss ko pero buong Bogeez. Miss ko na si Gee Ann at si Bodie dude.

11. I love you. Please always take care. God Bless! Ingat kayo parati diyan.

12. Alam mo dati may crush ako sa’yo kasi ang galing-galing mo sa Photoshop. But, sabi nga ng kaibigan kong magaling, hinding-hindi ka magkakagusto sa’kin kasi siya nga di nagkagusto sa’kin so ayun, dumidistansiya ako kasi baka magustuhan pa kita lalo. Shorttime lang naman ‘to. Sana ‘di mo ako makalimutan kapag sikat ka na.

13. Dati, idol ko ang blog mo. Wala lang. Ang astig mo kasi. Pero ‘nung nikakausap kita ay medyo tinatamad ka atang kausap ako. Sorry ah. Ayun lang naman.

14. Alam mo palagi kong sinusubaybayan ang blog mo, ang cool mo kasi mag-write. Pero may nakapagsabi sa akin na may pagka-berde daw dugo mo, totoo ba ‘yun? Hanggang ngayon ay di ako makapaniwala.

15. Ikaw naman, minsan ka lang mabiro. Alam mo kaya ako ganyan sa’yo at tinutukso kita parati kahit patpatin ka’t lahat ay may gusto ako sa’yo. Hindi mo mahalata kasi manhid ka at gusto mo ang gusto mo na ayaw sa’yo at nagpapakatanga ka para di ‘yun makita. Argh.

Popularity: 1% [?]

You have probably heard this thing before, same old… same old. I am still listening to my favorite Typecast tracks and those soundtracks that might have had pushed me to think of her again. I thought I’d already forgotten her. But in reality, she’ll always be there. And everytime I remember an ounce of something I’d recognize or something I can identify with her, there I go again.

She’s my ecstasy. The more I want to get rid her out of my system, the more I’m drowning into it. I adore her and nothing’s gonna change that. Absolutely nothing. For four years, I still can’t recover from the thoughts of she, and I, forever. When even the conclusion of this dream will always be that I can only have her as much as my dreams would allow me to.

A lot of people say I’m not that falling-in-love guy type. I don’t care. They can judge me and tell me everything they want but who cares. And the truth is that from the moment I’d realize I love her, until now, that’s the same feeling. I know its hard to believe me, but this girl knocks me off my feet. This girl is love.

You don’t know how much reading your messages mean to me and its the only thing I’ve got and you don’t even do it anymore. Its not obligatory but I want them back. Those times that we can only talk about anything and everything about our daily lives.

I got addicted with your existence and now that you’re completely gone, I’m lost. Even my friends tell me that, I have lost myself for not doing everything I can. I have lost myself from you. I felt numb that you would not even caring to know how I feel. So I stay numb and dumb and stupid.

I just feel suicidal, but I know I can survive. [Hey, I still have to take three more years of math and physics All those engineering thingy] I’m strong and I know that this love might have to take ages to shoo away. Maybe a whole lifetime won’t even be enough to hide this feelings, and set them aside.

I’d try to focus on attaining success first now, so that when I’m all wealthy and rich. I can do all I want and give her all that she deserves.

I just love you. I know. I just do.
And it hurts not to know if you’re okay or not.

I hope he takes care of you.
–
I was born to tell you I love you, I was torn to do what I have to.
To make you mine, be with me tonight.

–

P.S. And that’s me being stupid again. And that’s me not being able to escape from her shadows. And that’s me who’s willing to live his life alone just to hold my promise that you’re the only girl I truly love. Until my dying day. And even if you wouldn’t care, at least I held on long to my promise enough to make my life worth living.

Popularity: unranked [?]

I am like a heart pumping, waiting for the blood to flow through me.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t we even look at each other’s eyes? Why can’t we talk the same way as I can talk with others? Why won’t you talk to me?

Really, I am tired of waiting. But I am still here. Still waiting for you.
I am tired hoping. But I am still here. Hoping.

But it seems like even friendship won’t buy your trust. It feels like I have to give up.
But I don’t wanna do that same mistake again, to give up.

Because whatever happens, I’ll wait. And even if you’re 59 and I’m 60, I’ll still be here.

It doesn’t really matter if you feel the same way I feel. All I ask is that we talk.
And we communicate.

Its been three weeks since I hear from you. I know I shall not demand.
But what it really boils down to is that I miss you.

I really really miss you.

Ironic, you’re nearer but I still can’t reach you.

Popularity: 1% [?]