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Tomorrow will be my third time to vote in the UP Diliman USC and ESC elections. Its kinda surprising that this year’s election is about to end, cleaner than the first two I have experienced.
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For the past few days, I thought I could manage things out. I thought that everything will pan out the way I wanted. I thought I’d be able to recover smoothly. I thought I’d be able to forget the feeling.

I tried not to make a big fuss about anything related to us. I tried not to think of it as something I’d expect something of. I really made an effort to make it normal for us. I just wish I could let it just fade away and live life like she never existed.

But unlike this simple essay, I can’t backspace and change things. I cannot erase the fact that I have fallen in love with her. I also cannot erase that I’m getting drowned to the feeling. I also cannot just undo everything. I really don’t get it. How difficult is it to unnotice someone who doesn’t really care.

I really am blind. I really didn’t see the repercussions of what kind of situation I have put myself into. I really didn’t took everything into consideration before doing it. And now that everything’s a mess – my identity, my confidence, my mind. I just don’t know anyone who can help me get through this. All I know is that I self-destructed and I can’t put myself back to what I used to be.

I feel rotten. Though I know how to pretend, there are certain things that I can’t hide. Certain things which I am still not sure of.

I used to be really good at this. I’m actually really good at advising people. I just don’t know how I lost myself.

It’s quite tiring if you keep on looking for something; and you just can’t find anything. Worse is, you’re alone and unhappy.

Now, I’m very afraid of what kind of person I’m ending up. Day by day, I hate myself. I just wish I know how to give up.
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